Ian writes:-

The following article is written by David Quantick - who is well respected in this parish. A regular NME writer up until 1996 - he now contributes to The Face - Q and a monthly column for Select. He is also a terrific comedy writer - his credits including 'On The Hour' - 'The Day Today' - 'Brass Eye' - 'Jam' - 'The Sunday Show' - 'Smack The Pony' - 'So - Graham Norton' and - for radio - 'The Treatment' - 'Loose Ends' - 'Collins and Maconie's Hit Parade' (the initial home of 'Quantick's World') - 'Mark Radcliffe' and 'Bussman and Quantick King Size' for Radio 4 - which was written with Jane Bussman who supersedes his previous partnership with Steven Wells. Quantick and Bussman recently created the first internet sit-com - 'The Junkies'.

This article is an articulate and very funny summing up of Devoto's career - a man who David showed some affinity with when talking about him on Mark Radcliffe's late night show in 1996 ("he sold his car and now rides on the bus"). Now read on-

Quantick's World (P.130)

thIS MONth: Howard Devoto, balding genius of The Buzzcocks, Magazine and, er, Luxuria.

Magazine are, genuinely, a great lost band. Their singer, Howard Devoto, had no hair before anyone else apart from Brian "No, James are cool, really, listen to this, no wait, come back" Eno, and wrote 'Boredom' for The Buzzcocks, which is the best and funniest sitcom. Then, a bit like Mark Addy from The Full Monty and now That Flintstones Film Where The Poster's So Cheap It Isn't Even A Photo, Howard Devoto decided to never been funny again and formed Magazine, who were doomy, cinematic [ie like John Barry before some easy-listening Bagpuss-snogging student did] and, quite frankly my dears, were great.

Here are some Magazine songs. [Yes, literally. Yes, click here for the song. Honestly]. 'The Light Pours Out Of Me' which, a Northern punk friend assures me, was known the length and breadth of Manchester as 'The Light Pours Out Of My Arse', but was the world's only stadium glam Roxy song. 'Shot By Both Sides', a song that was so paranoid that it made Thom Yorke look like, well, Thom Yorke, obviously, how can a song make someone look different, songs aren't episodes of Changing Rooms, well, Laurence, we've got three days to change Thom Yorke, OK, Carole, let's spunk the entire budget on this Richard Ashcroft album. 'Shot By Both Sides' also had a monstrous punk metal riff which would have made Guns 'n' Roses millionaires, well, OK, slightly different millionaires. 'Permafrost', which advised, "I will drug you and fuck you/On the permafrost", and goes some way to explaining why Captain Oates couldn't get out of Captain Scott's tent fast enough.

And on their best album 'The Correct Use Of Soap' [which like it's successor, 'Magic Murder and the Weather', might just as well have been called 'Do Not Buy Me'], a wad of great songs, but wad of greatest of them all, my favourite single ever, the awesomely awesome 'Song From Under The Floorboards', a Martin Hannett-produced pop classic with, hurray, hilariously self-deprecating lyrics. "I am angry, I am ill/And I'm as ugly as sin", it begins, and goes on, "I know the meaning of life/It doesn't help me A BIT!". Honestly, Robbie Williams should cover it. If only for it's other great line, "the brightest jewel inside of me/Glows with pleasure at my own stupidity". I think we'll all have one of thOSE sweets.

Other excellent things about Magazine. They had a keyboard player with the best keyboard player name ever, Dave Formula. Their bass player was Barry Adamson, who has managed a successful and artistic life after Magazine, recording imaginary film themes which are then used in real films and end up being called 'Theme From An Imaginary Film Noir [Theme From Porky's Revenge XII]'. They did a version of 'Goldfinger' which is so over the top that Devoto appears to sing "Goooooouulddaa, fingahhhhh" for such a long time that the song has actually ended and the cleaners have come in to empty the little studio waster bins.

Had Magazine been around now, they'd be respected, if insect-headed rock stars. But, of course, they were around in the days of Shakin' Stevens and Genesis, and if Dave Lee Travis and Noel Edmonds have one achievement, it's that they single or double-handedly managed to throttle the life out of the best music of the time. Match that, Sarah Cox!

So, after the bizarre insect Motown of their last single, 'About The Weather', Magazine jacked it in. You can't get half their records, of course, least of all 'The Correct Use Of Soap'. Devoto made a solo album called 'Jerky Versions Of The Dream' that Adam from Adam & Joe likes, then had a band called Luxuria who did a gig where Morrissey sang 'The Light Pours Out Of Me', and now lives up the road from me. I see him sometimes, admire him for not reforming any of his bands, and secretly wish he would.

Well, not very topical there, eh? How about this, then, Elian Gonzales has been returned to Cuba, as a house-warming present for Gary Glitter. Ha ha! There's modern!

Select, October 2000, edited by Alexis Petridis, publisher EMAP.